At the end of every day, there is a flash in my heart. for that moment, that click, I am insignificant. Everything I have done and dedicated my existence to, is meaningless. Each night, after my eye shadow is off, and my designer dress hung over my father's old office chair, I have to come to terms with one thought that's been following me like a strong guilt over my head. Like the cold puffy bedsheets, it leaks onto me.
What's most scary about this, is that, i realize something as I try to distract myself by counting the dots in the cheap cieling tiles, small little disfigurements---moving me out of my head. But not really; I realize this---I have such little control over the insignificant and petty changes that surround me. In that one instance, I am nothing. Nothing. A smile becomes my face.
Not just on my face--but my whole face.
Every part, every wrinkle, every molecule, a smile.
I am that smile.
